Category Archives: Writing

Inside A Broken Shell

Inside A Broken Shell lies an illusion of safety. The shafts of light burns deep within my skin. I must hide in the shadows. I cannot let go of this shell, painful as it may be I still hold the idea that it meant something to me.

I kept years and years struggling to not change. Through the stormy nights I told myself how I was going to get out of this shell onto another. When dawn came I could see the light crushing my confidence, and squirming in fear I go back to my shell.

But you see, the fear I feel is the knack of something happening. Something irrefutable, as if fate itself wanted to lead me. Why do I feel so afraid? I ask myself, for leaving the shell is casting off my past. Do I hold the past so dearly, that it had blinded me all the struggles of life. Yet, could it be that in my incoherent state of mind I neglect the change I’ve been looking for.

It’s so cozy, and warm. I never want to leave this shell, no matter how broken it is.

Fear is the key to move forward, over time I feel that fear is itself a motivator to move. It gives me the courage to stand up, regardless of how hopeless I am. Don’t be afraid of change. That, I would tell myself every day.

I am a bystander, fearing the many walking near me. I can’t help but to seek comfort inside my shell.

Is this okay? I ask myself. Years, and years go by, each of them filled with regret. Has the courage to move on faded away. Did I give up on myself to continue exploring the world?

No.

No. I can’t throw it all on a whim. I want to see more, why must it be this way?

I must move forward. For I fear days with regrets. Once I grow old, to whom do I tell my happy stories, for all I’ll be bearing is this crooked shell is nothing but gloom. Don’t misunderstand me, I love this shell so dear that it has become who I am.

It’s time to move on. I’m finally free.

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I’m an amateur at this. Pardon the grammar errors, if any. I hope you like this. I might not be the best writer, but I do hope you get the message.

Can I become a writer?

It’s one of the questions I ask myself on a monthly basis, sometimes weekly. I think part of it comes from my frustration. Most of you don’t know but English is my second language. My native language is Spanish. In a very common note, most of the time I communicate in English, mostly because it’s hard not to.

One of the challenges, for me, of having a second language is that getting the grammar right becomes a pain in the ass. Expanding your vocabulary is also one hell of a ride where you need to keep practicing/memorizing, and choosing the right words for the right moment is where I fail.

Now, why do I want to be a writer? It comes from the fact that I enjoy creating things. I started out as a programmer, creating various applications in PHP, Java, Python, etc. Whatever idea popped into my head, I would go and execute them. The challenges were big, daunting, and most of the time they drove you insane.

Writing doesn’t drive me insane, well, nevermind! It does drive me insane. Think the following:

  • Am I writing this correctly?
  • I’m pretty sure these aren’t the right words I want to use.
  • Goddammit, where’s my thesaurus!

In the span of 2 years I came up with two different titles with different approaches:

  • Inside Nostalgia – It starts in a post-apocalyptic setting where the world population has been decimated. In the new, and broken world there are laws that women aren’t allowed to have children. Nostalgia is born, and she’s fated to unravel the mysteries of the broken world and how it came to be.
  • The Pilgrimage To The Heavens – Saru has a dream, an insane one too! He wants to become God. His goal is to deliver divine punishment and reestablish justice through the lands. Saru’s dreams are ignited after his brother’s death. His elder brother sold his organs to keep his family from starving. Could Saru become a God?

So, in a way I like to think that I have a vivid imagination. Sometimes I toy with different ideas and I love it. It’s just fun, you create situations, places, events and it becomes something I want to share with others.

Which reminds me, I did share a lot of my concepts with some friends. Especially The Pilgrimage To The Heavens did make a big impression, even when I created the concept I was really satisfied with it.

I’m going to wrap this up. I’ve been thinking of becoming an English Teacher, it’s a tough choice for me because I also wanted to become a computer engineer. If you ask me which one is more satisfying I wouldn’t know how to answer that.

Leave your thoughts :]